Cathy Nobil-Dutton
Jan 15, 20212 min
In the past month, the topic of bravery has surfaced a number
of times in my conversations with people. Perhaps it is because
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and there is a lot of
focus on people dealing with breast cancer. I know that when
something consistently pops up in different ways in my
consciousness, I need to acknowledge it and listen to what it is
trying to say.
BRAVERY- THE DEFINITION
The dictionary definition of bravery i : To endure or face
unpleasant conditions without showing fear; ready to face or
endure danger or pain.
People often refer to someone who is dealing with cancer as
“brave”. I think when it comes to facing cancer; this definition
is not accurate. Bravery implies choice and there is no choice
when it comes to cancer. It chooses you. Those of us who have
had cancer have been required to be brave in many ways and I
think it shortchanges us to have a label put on us that connotes
a lack of fear. Many of us feel plenty of fear! The reality is that
we recognize that fear and yet continue on with whatever it is
that we have to do to get better, if possible. Sometimes, that
fear also means dealing with end of life issues with dignity.
Perhaps, the brave person is the one who is able to express
those fears and continue on without folding. I have recently
done some work with a group of women who all have
metastatic breast cancer. I asked them what being brave meant
to them and they told me that it means finding meaning and joy
in each day, having the courage to discuss with their friends
and family their concerns and preparations for the future and
getting comfortable with the knowledge that they know there
is an end point for them some day sooner than they would like
it.
Some times the brave thing to do is break down in order to
rebuild in a more resilient version of us.
Speaking our Truth
Once diagnosed with cancer, the opinions of doctors and the
medical community take on an enormous role in determining
the course of treatment and guiding us through the process of
tests, surgical procedures, blood work, chemo and radiation.
Often it is possible to feel caught in between doctors and their
potential tools of healing and lose touch with what is the right
thing for each of us. Bravery can also include empowering
oneself to speak up about healthcare needs and concerns to
our providers and caregivers. . This may also mean saying “no”
to what doesn’t feel right even if it goes against what others
recommend.
One of my clients told me that in the end, “bravery means
acceptance of where I am and that this is my path, wherever it
takes me.”