Dealing With Cancer in the Family

Anyone who has dealt with cancer, either as the patient or as a family member of the patient, knows that it is one of the most nuanced issues a family can encounter. Many factors contribute to everyone’s mental health during this stressful time, and this complicates things well beyond the medical aspect of the diagnosis. As both the daughter of cancer survivors and a cancer survivor myself, I have experienced my share of dealing with cancer in families!

In this post, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about approaching cancer as a family, both through my own experiences and in my work with clients who have been through this situation as well.  

The Unexpected Sides of Dealing With Cancer in the Family

A cancer diagnosis almost always takes everyone by surprise. However, there are some aspects of the process of diagnosis and treatment that can fly under the radar.

1. The recovery phase may last longer than expected

Many family members and caregivers find themselves unprepared for how long recovery can take. Even when a person has completed their treatment, they are still dealing with lots of issues, both physical and emotional. There is anxiety of recurrence, and often some emotional trauma to work through at this stage. A person may also be struggling to adjust to the “new normal” of the physical changes in their body. These issues may not be as obvious to the family and friends around them.

It’s helpful to be aware of this so you can provide the support that they’ll need at this point in their survivorship. Many people feel pressure from family and friends to “return to normal” once they are cancer-free, so being patient and accepting that this may not be the case is the best way to be supportive. 

2. Roles may change 

Sometimes, a cancer diagnosis can change family dynamics. Every family has a set of roles, such as the parent or child role, and a medical diagnosis like cancer can sometimes force these roles to reverse. 

This can sometimes catch family members off guard and cause additional stress within the family. Mentally preparing for this role reversal can help families navigate this time with more ease. 

3. There might be a need to discuss hereditary aspects of the disease 

This one can be particularly challenging. Since some cancers are attributed to gene mutations, it’s beneficial for family members to do genetic testing to gauge their own risk for cancer. However, this can make for a difficult conversation among family members.

I experienced this during my cancer diagnosis. I have the MLH-1  Lynch Syndrome gene, which increased the odds of my having cancer.. Having to talk to my children, siblings and extended family about this, on top of telling them about my cancer, was challenging for all of us.

[Related post: How Do I Tell the Kids?]

How to Help a Family Member Dealing with Cancer

I recently shared some general tips for how to support a friend with cancer. But when it comes to close family members, there are some additional concerns that often come up. 

For instance, if you live far away, it can be hard to know how to help from afar. It’s common to feel a bit of guilt for not being able to help more because you’re far away. However, know that emotional support is often just as helpful as being there in person. An “I’m thinking of you” call or text goes a very long way. 

And if you’re looking for something to ‘do,’ it’s possible to help with certain tasks virtually. Your family member with cancer may need help with things like calling insurance companies or organizing their calendar with appointments. Taking this off their plate is a huge help. You could offer to help with online shopping if needed.

Additionally, keep in mind that your family member is striving for normalcy in their life. So try not to focus every conversation on their cancer. Bring up other subjects that interest you both, like current events, TV shows you’re watching, or share stories from your day. 

Communication is Key to Dealing With Cancer in the Family

Being clear with one another about your needs, expectations, and boundaries makes the experience less stressful on everyone involved. Try to maintain open communication as much as you can.  

Family counseling can also be beneficial during the cancer journey. It’s a great way to keep your relationships strong during this challenging time. 

Cancer Counselor

If you are in Pennsylvania and think family or individual counseling may be a good fit for you, I encourage you to reach out to me! You can schedule a complimentary consultation to see if we’re a good fit, or just jump right in and schedule your first session.