Cancer Ghosting: An Unexpected Reality

Cancer ghosting may not be familiar to you, but it is a real problem. And though you may not realize it, it’s something that a lot of people experience, myself included. So, in today’s post, I’m sharing a little more about what cancer ghosting is, exploring why it happens, and offering some advice for how to handle it if it does happen to you. 

What is Cancer Ghosting? 

Cancer ghosting is a phenomenon that many cancer patients experience. It happens when friends or family members fall out of touch following your diagnosis, usually with zero explanation. 

It is extremely hurtful and can leave you feeling angry, sad, confused, and often grief-stricken. There is often no explanation for the sudden loss of relationships with people. In fact, it’s so painful that many people describe it as being worse than the physical pain of the cancer itself. 

The sudden social isolation can also make people feel responsible for the situation. Like it’s their fault for burdening their friends and family with their disease. On top of the other ways that cancer impacts your mental health, being “ghosted” as a result of your cancer is very hard to deal with.  

Why Does Cancer Ghosting Happen? 

Because these people are no longer in our lives, it’s hard to understand the true reasoning for why this occurs. It’s very likely, though, that they are unable to face their own feelings about the situation and, therefore, retreat as a way to cope. 

How Common Is It?  

A quick Google search will show you countless articles and blogs of people describing their personal experiences with cancer ghosting. And as a counselor who specializes in working with cancer patients, I’ve unfortunately heard many accounts of it as well. 

Believe it or not, it really does happen to nearly everyone. 

And interestingly, it affects younger cancer patients at an even greater rate. This likely can be explained by the fact that the people in their social circles have less experience with serious illness in their 20s and 30s. They are a bit more likely to lack the coping skills due to this. 

Though these explanations don’t make it feel any better, I often find it helpful to understand why something occurs as a way to begin working through it. 

My Own Experience 

I also experienced ghosting when I was diagnosed with cancer and was going through treatment.

I had a friend that I thought would be a support to me, and I barely heard from them. When I did, it was all about them visiting when THEY wanted to, not when it was convenient for me.

Pretty quickly, because they didn’t get the response from me that they wanted, they disappeared. I was left trying to sort out what I did that made them behave the way they did.

What If Cancer Ghosting Happens to You? 

As I mentioned earlier in this post, it can be very painful to experience a loss of friendship or familial relationship over your diagnosis. On top of everything else, to realize that people in your life who you care about are unable to be there for you really stings. 

But if this does happen, it’s important to lean into the relationships and people who DO show up for you. You may find yourself making new, and possibly even stronger, connections with new people you meet or with those who you weren’t as close with before. 

It’s also helpful to seek out counseling or support groups. This can help you connect with others who are going through a similar experience to you. 

Cancer Counselor in Pennsylvania 

Hopefully, this has given you some peace — whether it’s understanding why this terrible phenomenon occurs or learning a new tip to deal with it if it happens to you. 

And if you are experiencing social isolation as a result of your cancer diagnosis and looking for someone to talk to, I encourage you to reach out to me. I offer complimentary consultation calls to help you decide if counseling is the right fit for you and to help answer any questions that are on your mind. 

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